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Untitled

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Untitled

Postby mcZu » Oct 19th, '10, 22:29

Feedback

Written to Joe Budden - Overkill

People say I use like too much like, like on Facebook
Right, mic on, face looks ready to refute what they say, look
I stay hooked to writing, while you mourn loss
Elevated threats or not, you won’t blow, even if you’re-up
The score? One up, listen, I’ve got a cold style
I propose to out-spit the competition, J Cole style
See, I think you shouldn’t think twice, go ahead and scream 'die'
Just jump, I won’t talk you down, I’m no TI
Train of thought didn’t crash, but the idea died
RIP Mike Larsen, I spit so much fire my mic is arson
I might Dawson creek the lead if drama is what I reek
Suppose the law done treat carrying llama’s on the street
As accountable, would you pick up the heat?
Or would you refrain from such deeds? Knowing me
I would tend to do good facing the evil slowly
On my one, this kid don’t need no support, word up to Joey
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

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Re: Untitled

Postby Stavros » Oct 19th, '10, 22:40

I could here Joey saying that first line lol.

Pretty dope as usual. I flowed it pella without a problem. The only thing is, and I've never pointed this out before I don't think, your grammar is really formal in some of your pieces like using "refute", "would you refrain from such deeds?" or "I would tend to do good". With a track like this everything should be more suitable to the kill it style, that's why I use slang in my pieces and fucked up grammar sometimes.
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Re: Untitled

Postby mcZu » Oct 20th, '10, 15:02

Thanks for checking. Yeah, I write how I speak. I use a lot of formal language, I don't like to write in a style that isn't me. Don't get me wrong, I do use slang too, so you'll see the occasional slang in my verses from time to time. But it's usually a mix of both. It's true that these kind of verses are usually packed with slang in the rap scene, though.
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
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Re: Untitled

Postby ThomasJ » Oct 20th, '10, 15:44

This was really nice,not so good as your other pieces,but dope nonetheless.
Dope punchlines,and it flowed nicely.
People say I use like too much like, like on Facebook
Just jump, I won’t talk you down, I’m no TI
On my one, this kid don’t need no support, word up to Joey


:laughing: :laughing:
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Forced entry, the more wenchy, the more stingy I become
Been doing this for more than a quarter century, I'm just numb...
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Re: Untitled

Postby mcZu » Oct 20th, '10, 16:27

Thanks ThomasJ, appreciate it, bro.
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

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Re: Untitled

Postby mcZu » Oct 28th, '10, 21:15

B.u.m.p.
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

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Re: Untitled

Postby mcZu » Nov 4th, '10, 21:56

mcZu wrote:B.u.m.p.
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

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Re: Untitled

Postby ShaBruv » Nov 4th, '10, 22:09

I've gotta say i like it, can really envision joey spitting on this, one thing i will say, and i appreciate im a newbie (http://www.forum.trshady.com./viewtopic.php?f=24&t=101509) is similar to Stavros' point but other than that (which really is minor) i think its great
I know you want to retaliate but you won't dare,
Cause you fuckin with some ****** like this who just don't care.

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Re: Untitled

Postby Devil'sAdvocate » Nov 7th, '10, 18:32

ive seen alot better drops from u man

i didnt get this at all

sorry
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